Listen with the intent to understand, not simply to reply.
You are establishing a sense of connection and trust, that will enable you both to move forward together. However, chances are you are both aligned in some areas, and by acknowledging what they are saying, as opposed to immediately offering your alternate view point, you are making them feel heard. I know this will seem incredibly counterintuitive initially, as you may not agree with everything they are saying. One of the best ways of doing this is to simply listen to the other person and default to acknowledging what they’re saying, using statements like: “You know what? You’re absolutely right.” When working with clients, I use a simple strategy to enable them to disarm and enrich the conversations they have.īefore you can move forward with this person you first need to separate the issues that you are both dealing with. However often this isn’t the case, and we’re actually coming from two entirely different agendas.
On the surface they tend to meld together and blend into each other, so as we’re discussing the situation at hand we feel as if we’re talking about the same thing. Whenever there’s a dispute or disagreement, you’ll find that there are two separate issues – the issue that you have, and the issue that the other person has. The main reason for this is a simple situation we call: two issues. This is something I come across often in the discussions I have with senior executives, as they’re frustrated by the fact that they’ve got a very strong point they’re trying to make to someone, however it seems to be falling on deaf ears. Have you ever experienced a conversation where you feel like yourself and the other person are on a completely different page?
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